Same Shit, Different Day...

I am quickly approaching my 3 month mark here in Korea and I think it is time I sat down and really expressed how I am feeling. I know that my blog is becoming more about my feelings than actually what is going on over here but I really feel they are the same. So what is different now than 3 months ago when I first got here...?

Not much. Anyone who has told me that it gets easier is either a really good liar or they do not really have the same kind of love and passion for their family the way I do for mine. To say that I get home sick is an overstatement. I think a lot about my mother, father, and sister just as much as my wife and kids. I spend so much time away from my family in New York that sometimes I forget what they look like, but I never forget how much I love them and miss them.

My kids are growing up so fast that I feel almost like they are strangers to me. Gabriel is learning so much in school that talking to him on the phone gets easier and easier as his speach gets better. The only problem is that most days he doesn't even want to talk to me anymore. I know its not personal, he really isn't a phone person (he is 4 after all) but from time to time it still gets to me. Lily is growning up quicker than Gabriel did when I was deployed. She is rolling over now and trying to sit up...soon I imagine she will be crawling and walking all over the place.

I am trying, I really am. I know it seems like all I do is complain, but I am really not trying to. This is my out. This is where I get things off my chest. I swear I don't talk like this all the time. There are some things that have gotten better. I finally made a friend, who I hang out with often. I also have a long time friend from New York coming to Korea in February that I intend on spending a lot of time with. I stopped playing pointless online computer games and am dedicating a lot of free time to learning how to play the guitar and focus my life around fitness, health, and music.

But no matter what I do, the fear is still there and I can't shake it. The night before I go up to work is always the worst, I have no idea why. I try not to read the news on North Korea yet I still find myself doing it at least once a week. Some times the news is good news, like last week when North Korea destroyed their nuclear cooling tower. Some times the news is scary, like this week when North Korea threatened to burn South Korea to the ground. I know news is just news but it is hard not to take it all in when you are in the heart of it.

So I hope I haven't completely depressed you, that wasn't my intention, but I feel a little better getting all that out. I promise to try and keep the blog posts a little less depressing and emotional from now on, but be warned I might not be able to keep that promise, unless I can find another outlet. I love you all!

Until Next Time...