Same Shit, Different Day...

I am quickly approaching my 3 month mark here in Korea and I think it is time I sat down and really expressed how I am feeling. I know that my blog is becoming more about my feelings than actually what is going on over here but I really feel they are the same. So what is different now than 3 months ago when I first got here...?

Not much. Anyone who has told me that it gets easier is either a really good liar or they do not really have the same kind of love and passion for their family the way I do for mine. To say that I get home sick is an overstatement. I think a lot about my mother, father, and sister just as much as my wife and kids. I spend so much time away from my family in New York that sometimes I forget what they look like, but I never forget how much I love them and miss them.

My kids are growing up so fast that I feel almost like they are strangers to me. Gabriel is learning so much in school that talking to him on the phone gets easier and easier as his speach gets better. The only problem is that most days he doesn't even want to talk to me anymore. I know its not personal, he really isn't a phone person (he is 4 after all) but from time to time it still gets to me. Lily is growning up quicker than Gabriel did when I was deployed. She is rolling over now and trying to sit up...soon I imagine she will be crawling and walking all over the place.

I am trying, I really am. I know it seems like all I do is complain, but I am really not trying to. This is my out. This is where I get things off my chest. I swear I don't talk like this all the time. There are some things that have gotten better. I finally made a friend, who I hang out with often. I also have a long time friend from New York coming to Korea in February that I intend on spending a lot of time with. I stopped playing pointless online computer games and am dedicating a lot of free time to learning how to play the guitar and focus my life around fitness, health, and music.

But no matter what I do, the fear is still there and I can't shake it. The night before I go up to work is always the worst, I have no idea why. I try not to read the news on North Korea yet I still find myself doing it at least once a week. Some times the news is good news, like last week when North Korea destroyed their nuclear cooling tower. Some times the news is scary, like this week when North Korea threatened to burn South Korea to the ground. I know news is just news but it is hard not to take it all in when you are in the heart of it.

So I hope I haven't completely depressed you, that wasn't my intention, but I feel a little better getting all that out. I promise to try and keep the blog posts a little less depressing and emotional from now on, but be warned I might not be able to keep that promise, unless I can find another outlet. I love you all!

Until Next Time...

A New Beginning...

Wow, it has been a lot longer since I have written in here than I thought, almost a month. I am sorry for that, but I have been doing my best to keep myself busy. I will try and write more but it gets harder and harder to write when most days I don't even have much to say, at least not to the public.

My time here has started slow down some, and with the holidays around the corner I have a great fear of going into a depressive state again like when I first got here. Halloween is next week and while it may not be a major holiday to most people, it has always been a big deal in our family. Amanda and I always decorate the house as spooky as possible and Gabriel is always so cute and has so much fun getting candy. Last year was the best because I actually handed out candy for the first time while Amanda took Gabriel around to the houses to get candy of his own.

Today is the clearest day we have had since I have been here. There is no fog coming off the mountains and with the trees changing a nice fall color it really is very beautiful here. There is a nice cool breeze during the day and it is very cold in the mornings. The geese are headed south for the winter and for the first time in years I am finally looking at 4 seasons. I can't wait for the snow next month and I hope I get enjoy it.

Amanda sent me our digital camcorder a few weeks ago so I am planning on starting a video diary of my time here. The chances of being able to email them out are small considering the file size, but it will be nice to show folks when I get home. For now most of you will just have to settle for pictures. I have not taken any yet but I will, I just have to get off my lazy but and do it.

I had a nice little adventure a couple days ago. I decided since I have made all these life style changes with my diet and going back to school (Lost 22lbs. so far by the way), I was going to do one more thing I have always wanted to do but never I guess "got around to it". I decided I was going to learn how to play the guitar. So my friend Smith and I went to Insadong, a small town within the city of Seoul. There we found a HUGE music story that was store upon of people selling musical instruments and things like that. With a lot of luck and help from this very nice Korean man, I found my new baby. I will post pictures of her as well as my playing experience in my next post.

Anyway there really isn't much else to say right now. I miss all of you very much and I hope everyone out there is doing well. I love you and I will write more soon.

Until next time...

Gabriel is dressing up HULK this year! So cute!